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Friday, December 26, 2008
It's Christmas. But somehow, I'm feeling nowhere near merry. In fact, I'm feeling miserable. Woke up for some reason & I'm finding it hard to go back to sleep now. Sigh. How I wish I could just lock myself in the room & just lie in bed all day. There's no point celebrating this Christmas anyway.
Was all excited about coming home from HongKong as I could then see dear & spend Christmas with dear. In the end.. Sigh. Don't wanna talk about it anymore. Just feel so stupid & naive to actually believe that dear would be allowed to spend the day with me.
Been thinking alot about the whole thing these 2 days. Feeling so helpless & useless cuz I can't do anything about it at all. It's not that I don't know what I can do or should do but it's just that I wasn't able to do it because of the fact that they're dear's family. God. I feel so bloody useless. Seeing dear going through all these but being unable to do anything about it. Sigh.
Honestly speaking. The thought of giving up have been flashing more frequently in my mind than anything else. Somehow it seems to me that the only reason why he treats you that way was because of me. Maybe if I were to give in, you would gain your freedom back & things might change for the better? I seriously don't know what else I can do to make you feel better. & yes, as you know, I can't take it anymore. It hurts me so much to see you like that. I feel like such a burden to you because you're constantly worrying for me. It's bad enough that you have to deal with your dad. Why do you need to worry for me all the time? I don't wish to see you suffer all these because of me.
I don't wish for you to force yourself to do things you can't do. Something's holding you back, making you bear with his nonsense & both you & I know that. What I don't know is.. what exactly is holding you back?
Maybe I'm asking for too much. Maybe I've crossed the line. He is your dad afterall. I can't possibly ask you to move out & leave your family. I have absolutely no right to do that. So I guess the best option might be for me to back out? Maybe. Just maybe. You'll be free again? Sigh. I would do anything to make sure you're alright & for you to be free again. If venting his frustrations on me would make him happy, let him do it then. It's the only thing I can do for you. Sigh. It hurts so much to see you like that. I really feel so helpless. What am I supposed to do? All I want is to just be with you. Happily. But why is it so hard? Tell me what I can do to make things alright again because I seriously don't know how. Sigh..
4:25 AM
Was all excited about coming home from HongKong as I could then see dear & spend Christmas with dear. In the end.. Sigh. Don't wanna talk about it anymore. Just feel so stupid & naive to actually believe that dear would be allowed to spend the day with me.
Been thinking alot about the whole thing these 2 days. Feeling so helpless & useless cuz I can't do anything about it at all. It's not that I don't know what I can do or should do but it's just that I wasn't able to do it because of the fact that they're dear's family. God. I feel so bloody useless. Seeing dear going through all these but being unable to do anything about it. Sigh.
Honestly speaking. The thought of giving up have been flashing more frequently in my mind than anything else. Somehow it seems to me that the only reason why he treats you that way was because of me. Maybe if I were to give in, you would gain your freedom back & things might change for the better? I seriously don't know what else I can do to make you feel better. & yes, as you know, I can't take it anymore. It hurts me so much to see you like that. I feel like such a burden to you because you're constantly worrying for me. It's bad enough that you have to deal with your dad. Why do you need to worry for me all the time? I don't wish to see you suffer all these because of me.
I don't wish for you to force yourself to do things you can't do. Something's holding you back, making you bear with his nonsense & both you & I know that. What I don't know is.. what exactly is holding you back?
Maybe I'm asking for too much. Maybe I've crossed the line. He is your dad afterall. I can't possibly ask you to move out & leave your family. I have absolutely no right to do that. So I guess the best option might be for me to back out? Maybe. Just maybe. You'll be free again? Sigh. I would do anything to make sure you're alright & for you to be free again. If venting his frustrations on me would make him happy, let him do it then. It's the only thing I can do for you. Sigh. It hurts so much to see you like that. I really feel so helpless. What am I supposed to do? All I want is to just be with you. Happily. But why is it so hard? Tell me what I can do to make things alright again because I seriously don't know how. Sigh..
4:25 AM
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
I love you dear.
9:56 AM
Saturday, December 13, 2008
God. Kill me please.
I'd rather die than go to HongKong lar! T.T
I'd rather die than go to HongKong lar! T.T
1:25 AM
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Maybe it's all just an illusion.
3:25 AM